the weekly josher

In the past, my depression would come out in the worst ways: self loathing, anger, anxiety and being overly self conscious. However, I’m glad to say, this time it’s different.

My depressed state this time around is much more self aware. I didn’t let the dark cloud overwhelm me to the point of complete failure. I weathered the storm, sometimes patching up little holes in my dingy but making it to shore… or at least I can see the shoreline. There are people sun bathing and playing beach volleyball, having a drink with friends on that shoreline.

In the past few weeks (or since my last post) I have felt a lot of emotions. When I am down in the dumps, I’ve used my time to enjoy the quiet, to enjoy a good movie, some might call that self love. Old me would have called that lazy and forced myself to go out and do something every single night of my weekend because I was “catching up” to everyone else. But what I’ve come to realize is I can have those days. I need one once a week, being that I work for a large corporation, 12-15 hour work days (overnight), and I am just tired.

I used to turn into an absolute menace. Most of the time my brain would feel like it was shutting down and I couldn’t make sense of the world around me. But after enough failures, I finally figured out that I wasn’t giving myself enough time for myself.

And so, I’ve been watching a lot of good films in order to give myself that good old R & R some folks know and love. My favorite film, a recommendation from my good pal Dave, “Thief” by Michael Mann. Holy shit was I locked in on that sucker. Lights off, sound up, what a freaking film. Also checked out Manhunter, not as good but still amazing.

The Long Goodbye, man oh man. If Elliot Gould isn’t the coolest motherfucker in this movie, idk who is. Never spent more than 10 seconds on screen without a cigarette in mouth, don’t think he slept, and was always being quite the smart ass. If you haven’t seen, watch, but you’re going to probably want to hit your head against the coffee table a few times waiting for it to be over, instead just go outside and smoke a cigarette (if you do that sort of thing).

Anyways, I’m happy to be back doing this, and I’m going to try and write once a week, maybe more, maybe less, but I will try. Good stuff my friends, carry on and be cool.